


Political Pizza

by lululawrence



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, American Harry Styles, American Louis Tomlinson, American Politics, Based on a Tumblr Post, Bribery, Fluff, Fluff and Humor, Humor, LMAO, M/M, Meet-Cute, No Smut, Pizza, Tumblr, but all in good fun, kind of, they're all american
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-06
Updated: 2020-07-06
Packaged: 2021-03-05 06:41:16
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,299
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25100065
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lululawrence/pseuds/lululawrence
Summary: Louis opened Tumblr and pulled up a new text post.Y’all have… NO idea how much I want a pizza rn. It’s taking all of my willpower to not order one this instant to celebrate getting stuff done today.Louis hit post and sighed. Capitalism really did suck. Hitting the reblog button on his own post, Louis immediately started ranting when he got an idea.Late stage capitalism is that I want a pizza but Congress won’t buy me one.Wait, I haven’t tried…I’m gonna call my congressman and see.It only took a few minutes to get through the various options and reach… a voicemail. He’d called Ted Cruz after all, and he never had anyone answering his phones it seemed.That gave Louis another idea, though. The senators and congressman rarely had anyone answering their phones when Louis tried, but one office that did was the Governor’s office.Or the one where Louis really wants a pizza and Harry is the one who answers the phone.
Relationships: Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson
Comments: 28
Kudos: 246
Collections: Prompt 1.4: Extract





	Political Pizza

**Author's Note:**

  * For [homosociallyyours](https://archiveofourown.org/users/homosociallyyours/gifts).



> So once upon a time [Megan](https://homosociallyyours.tumblr.com) sent me a message with a link to [this post](https://lululawrence.tumblr.com/post/622851936095502336/yall-have-no-idea-how-much-i-want-a-pizza-rn) and said something along the lines of "i saw this and thought of you". First, I was incredibly honored that she'd see something like that and want to share it with me, but also I definitely wanted to write it. So I added it to my list and... forgot about it for awhile.
> 
> Until Now. Thank you for the prompt, Megan, I was very happy to make it work for Wordplay hehe Speaking of...
> 
> This is part of a Wordplay prompt challenge for the prompt "extract". To read the amazing fics that were written by the others on this prompt, [click here](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/extract), and to see all fics written as part of the challenge (including years 1-3), [click here](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/wordplay_fic_challenge/works). You can also find the masterpost for this year’s challenge [here](https://wordplayfics.tumblr.com/post/622306139518926848/wordplay-2020-every-week-for-five-weeks-a-prompt).
> 
> Thank you to [Molly](https://becomeawendybird.tumblr.com) for your super awesome beta skills! All remaining mistakes are my own.
> 
> Please don't share this with anyone affiliated with the band! I do not know the members nor do I think this is real life, it's all just made up by me (other than the pieces I took from the tumblr post). Please do not translate or repost without my explicit permission. Thank you!
> 
> I hope you enjoy!

Louis was  _ ravenous. _ He was past the point of being merely hungry, he was nearing the point of starvation. All because he’d been so focused on getting everything from his to do list done and he’d forgotten about lunch.

Note to self: include eating lunch on his to do list from now on so this doesn’t repeat itself. Again.

He’d been incredibly productive and nearly finished everything on his list for the day, and he was proud of himself. He only had three fairly minor things left to do and he wanted to celebrate being so awesome on a rare day off with some pizza. 

Oh shit. Pizza. Louis hadn’t known what exactly he wanted for dinner but as he opened his newly stocked fridge—thanks to the grocery shopping he’d done earlier—he realized it was pizza. He didn’t have the makings for pizza, nor did he have the energy or the patience. No, he wanted one gloriously hot and kindly prepared by some pimply teenaged kid delivered to his apartment door so he didn’t have to put forth any more than the necessary effort.

Louis jumped onto the super soft overstuffed sofa that his stepdad had handed down to him when he’d bought a brand new one for himself and unlocked his phone. He swiped over to where all his food ordering apps were and…

Dammit. Louis’ past self really did know him too well. It had only been two days since Louis had accidentally overdrafted his account  _ again _ and needed to move money over to his savings account. Every time that happened he swore he would repay his savings account, and yet he never did. Which was why it was sitting there still holding only a measly $4.17. He’d gotten paid since then, though, so he could afford the pizza now! But the entire reason he’d deleted those apps and gone through the trouble of grocery shopping today was because he really did need to start saving money by not eating out anymore.

Pouting over his poor luck and how much capitalism sucked, Louis opened Tumblr and pulled up a new text post.

_ Y’all have… NO idea how much I want a pizza rn. It’s taking all of my willpower to not order one this instant to celebrate getting stuff done today. _

Louis hit post and sighed. Capitalism really did suck. It revolved around and relied on retail workers in various industries who were paid a pittance to survive and then couldn’t even afford to buy themselves food made by someone else doing similar work they did to get to that point. 

Hitting the reblog button on his own post, Louis immediately started going into a shortened version of his inner rant.

_ Late stage capitalism is that I want a pizza but Congress won’t buy me one. _

Louis was about to continue typing when he froze. Hold on a second. That was a great idea.

_ Wait, I haven’t tried… _

_ I’m gonna call my congressman and see. _

Louis immediately pulled up the sheet he kept bookmarked with the contact information for all of his current congressmen and senators and hit dial. As far as he knew there wasn’t anything huge being voted on at the moment, so hopefully the phone lines wouldn’t be too busy.

It only took a few minutes to get through the various options and reach… a voicemail. Voicemails, while usually helpful when he still wanted to make sure his view was heard, did not do him any good in this specific situation. Not that it did any good in any other situation either. He’d called Ted Cruz after all, and he  _ never _ had anyone answering his phones it seemed, and when he did they all spoke down to Louis like he was annoying instead of a citizen who actually cared.

Thumbing back to Tumblr, Louis once again hit reblog to make sure all of his gazillion loyal followers (or all 500 of them, whatever) were able to follow his fascinating quest to magic a pizza without paying for it.

_ Hmm… Ted Cruz isn’t answering. Still a coward, I see... _

That gave Louis an idea, though. The senators and congressman he reached out to regularly rarely had anyone answering their phones when Louis tried, but one office that did was the Governor’s office. 

Louis checked the time. It was almost five. Considering it was a government position, they probably all left at 4:30, but it was worth a try.

_ I’m gonna call my Governor now and tell him Cruz said it was out of his jurisdiction so he feels all important. Dude sued the city and is richer than God, he can afford a pizza. _

Tumblr once again updated about his next step, Louis went back to his sheet and dialed the number for the Governor’s office. Hitting a few buttons on the automated line, he waited and eventually the phone began to ring. He had a feeling it was going to go to voicemail just like it had with Coward Cruz’ office, but he was surprised when a deep voice came on the line.

“Governor Abbott’s office, this is Harry speaking. How may I help you?”

It was only then that Louis realized his error. He hadn’t  _ actually _ expected anyone to pick up, so he hadn’t planned out what he was going to say. 

He decided to just wing it and see how it went.

“Hello, Harry. I’m Louis Tomlinson. I’m calling because I’d like to request an audience with Governor Abbott.”

Harry paused for a moment, and Louis wasn’t sure why but it must have been his wording. Was it audience? That sounded like something someone would say for the Queen. Maybe he should have just asked for a meeting or something.

“I’m sorry,” Harry finally replied, sounding a bit caught off guard, but maybe he just always spoke that slowly. “He’s not available, but I can take a message and have him get back to you via phone or email.”

“Oh, great,” Louis said, shifting in his seat as he figured out what exactly he was going to say. “Due to some recent changes and the current economic disparity in Texas, I’ve calculated that Governor Abbott makes enough to buy around…” Louis looked around the room, fishing for a high number that seemed to still be accurate, “ten-thousand pizzas, for example. As a display of his claims he made during his last election to make efforts towards rebuilding the middle class, all I ask is that he buys me a single pizza.”

Louis paused, waiting for Harry’s reaction. There was only silence until suddenly there was a short and a choked squawking sound followed by some laughter.

“Listen,” Louis said, holding his hand out, as if Harry could see him. “A pizza costs something stupid like .000001 percent of his annual salary, and that’s not even taking his enormous wealth into consideration. This pizza  _ will _ influence how I vote next election. My PayPal is paypal.me/ltommo. Would you be willing to pass that on for me?”

“You’re serious?” Harry asked, obviously incredulous that  _ this _ was the call he had taken. Louis didn’t blame him, but dammit he really fucking did want that pizza.

“Yes, Harry, I am.”

Chuckling again, Harry said, “Alright, well, I’ll pass it on to him, then.”

“Does he happen to be in the office still?” Louis asked, hopefully. “I’m actually so hungry that I think I might wither away to nothing soon enough, and I really was hoping for a pizza tonight. Think there’s any hope of that? For the confirmation of a vote from a young Democrat?”

Louis could almost hear Harry’s eye roll when he said it, but Louis was known for laying things on too thick. What could he say? When he went in on anything, he was all in.

“He’s still here, but I can only promise to pass this on to him.”

“Yeah, that’s what I figured,” Louis said, pouting. “I’m still going to be checking my PayPal in the hope he’ll consider this a worthwhile consideration.”

“Sure. Have a good night, Louis Tomlinson. Thank you for calling. It was the most entertainment I’ve had here all month.”

Louis couldn’t help smiling and hung up the phone, heading to Tumblr to update them on how the conversation went, and wait to see if any money came into his PayPal.

*~~***~~*

Louis was chatting with his roommate, Niall, when his phone buzzed. Assuming it was one of his friends messaging him on Tumblr after his post started getting loads of notes earlier, Louis ignored it for a moment as Niall finished his story before handing Louis the sandwich he so kindly picked up for him on his way home from his late shift at work.

“You’re a godsend, honestly,” Louis moaned, shoving the sandwich in his mouth. After updating Tumblr earlier, he’d gone on and kept working on his ridiculously long to do list, dreaming of the hot pizza he could buy for himself if only he had the money sent to him.

He’d treated himself to one of his juice boxes from the store as he went around his apartment, but that didn’t fill him up obviously. This sandwich was going to do amazing things for him.

Picking up his phone, Louis saw the notification was from PayPal and he almost choked. 

“Ni! Harry might have actually convinced the governor to do it!” He hurriedly opened the app to check while Niall tripped back into the room, halfway stripped out of his bartending uniform.

“You can’t be fucking serious,” he said, amazed and plopping down besides Louis on the couch.

When the app finally loaded, Louis looked and saw fifteen dollars had been transferred to him from a Harry Styles with the comment “Political Pizza” and a phone number.

“Wait, Harry? Like the dude you talked to when you called?” Niall asked, obviously confused.

“I mean, I’m assuming so,” Louis said, quickly copying the phone number over to his text messages. “Considering the message with it and the name match, it makes sense.”

_ Louis: Harry Styles, is that your full name then? I’m guessing the governor turned down my request. Guess he’s not getting my vote next time. _ _  
_ _ Louis: This is Louis Tomlinson, by the way. And thank you SO much for the pizza money! You didn’t have to do that just because Abbott wouldn’t _

“You’re texting him? Seriously?” Niall asked, now leaning entirely into Louis.

“Ugh, get off me, you smell like liquor,” Louis said, shoving Niall away from him. “And yes, I have to thank him for it and, honestly, his voice was hot. Might as well chat a little bit more.”

Niall looked at him skeptically before leaving the room. “I’ve got a sexy voice too and I don’t see you asking me to talk more for you.”

Louis looked over at Niall’s bedroom door and yelled, “If I ever get Harry on the phone again I’m going to let you hear it. I’m serious, you’ll love his voice too.”

“You’re getting creepy now, man.”

Louis shrugged and fumbled his phone when it vibrated again.

_ Maybe Harry Styles: Yeah, that’s my full name. And honestly, I didn’t even bring it up to him. I figured I can give you $15 if you’re that desperate for a pizza _ _  
_ _ Maybe Harry Styles: I’m glad you texted though. I fucking hate my job and your call at the end of the day today was the best thing to happen there for weeks _

Louis quickly added Harry to his contacts and went back to Tumblr. His last update was that no one had paid for his pizza. He’d even made a  _ fantastic _ pun that they had  _ crust _ his dreams, but his followers needed to know just how great Harry was.

_ pLOT TWIST! THE SECRETARY SENT ME $15 FOR MAKING HIM LAUGH AND BECAUSE HE HATES HIS JOB! THE MEMO READ “POLITICAL PIZZA” AND I MIGHT BE IN LOVE _

Posting the update, he went back to his chat with Harry. 

_ Louis: So why do you hate your job? If I don’t answer right away, don’t worry. I’m just ordering the pizza  _

Harry started sending slews of texts and Louis found he had a lot of fun talking with him. Once the pizza was ordered, he also had fun finding Harry on various social media and following him.

Harry was fucking  _ hot. _ Like, Louis had already loved his voice, but he had this somewhat shaggy hair that was all curly and the deepest dimples he’d ever seen. Plus, he did not seem to be shy about posting photos of himself wearing next to nothing, and Louis was not one to ignore such art. 

Upon further digging, Louis saw that Harry had identified himself as a gay man in a few tweets, which was excellent news, but Louis couldn’t find any hints as to whether he was taken or not. There were a few recurring men in photos with him that  _ could _ be a boyfriend, but he wasn’t sure.

He decided he didn’t need to try to be smooth or suave, he could just be open about wanting this information. After all, they’d met because he was trying to get a pizza out of the state governor.

_ Louis: Harry _ _  
_ _ Louis: I’m so sorry and I really hate to interrupt this update about the newest cat to adopt you _ _  
_ _ Louis: But are you single? _

Louis got up and started pacing the room as he waited for Harry’s response and the pizza to arrive. He knew it was ridiculous, but he was already attached. The guy took his stupid phone call and actually sent him money for pizza when hew as being absolutely absurd due to his insane craving for pizza, and now Louis was asking him, mere hours later, if he was single. But he needed to know his chances here. He’d keep chatting either way, but it would be excellent if he could flirt some too.

_ Harry: I’m boring you with Carmen already and she’s only been in my life for less than an hour? _ _  
_ _ Harry: That’s some kind of record lol _ _  
_ _ Harry: And yes, I’m single… _

Louis closed his eyes and blew air out loudly. Right as he was about to respond, though, a loud knock startled him from the door.

“Oh my God, is that the pizza? Please say you did sausage and olives, please please please?” Niall begged as he ran out of his room. “I bought you a sub! I hate Subway! But I did it cause I love you! Please share your Political Pizza with me!”

Louis waved him off as he thanked the delivery guy and accepted the pizza. Once the door was closed Louis opened it up and showed him. “Yes. I got Brooklyn styled crust, because it’s the only way to go, and sausage with olives as the toppings. Who’s the best roommate you’ve ever had?”

Niall smiled widely and said, “You are! I’ll get the beer.”

By the time Louis and Niall were settled in on the couch with the TV showing reruns of Family Guy, Louis had almost forgotten about his conversation with Harry.

“Shit,” Louis muttered, getting back up to retrieve his phone from wherever he’d set it down to answer the door. When he found it, he had several other texts from Harry waiting.

_ Harry: Does this mean you are too? _ _  
_ _ Harry: Because if I’m being honest, I definitely stalked your socials before giving you my number _ _  
_ _ Harry: You’re not at all who I was expecting to find behind that kind of call _

Louis scoffed. “Excuse you, what does that mean? Niall, what does this mean?”

Unlocking the phone so Niall could read the last part, he handed it over and Niall started laughing almost immediately.

“It means he was probably expecting some pimply eighteen-year-old who had never voted before, not a hot gay rights activist who works at the Humane Society as a veterinarian.”

Louis pouted. “Well, at least it means he likes what he saw, right? Otherwise he wouldn’t have given me his number.”

Niall stared at Louis before practically throwing his phone at him and turning his attention back to the television.

“You aren’t that unsure of yourself. I’m not even giving you a response to that.”

Rolling his eyes, Louis finally responded.

_ Louis: Not sure what exactly that is supposed to mean, my call was absolutely warranted and in no way out of left field, but I have to say I am relieved to hear you’re single. _ _  
_ _ Louis: You probably don’t care, but just for the record, I am too. _

Nodding to himself, Louis locked his phone and picked up the next slice of pizza.

It took the rest of the episode to finish before Harry replied again, which was fine. Louis was enjoying spending some time with Niall before they both headed to bed. 

_ Harry: I do care, actually, so thank you for the confirmation _ _  
_ _ Harry: All I meant was that usually when we get… interesting requests of the governor… there’s a few specific demographics that they come from, and I was very happy to be proven incorrect. _

Smiling, Louis figured he should just go for it and ask him out. He didn’t really have anything to lose, after all.

_ Louis: Does that mean you’d be interested in joining me for a date this weekend? _ _  
_ _ Louis: Because if you are, I’d love to take you out. I’m free on Friday… _

“You’re an idiot and you’re lucky I love you,” Niall said before standing up and smacking a kiss on the top of Louis’ head. “I’m falling asleep after my double. See ya tomorrow and good luck with the secretary.”

“Not an idiot, but I love you too,” Louis called after him. He took the empty pizza box to the recycling and then shut off the lights and went to his room as well. 

As Louis crawled into bed, Harry sent a short response that immediately got Louis planning.

_ Harry: Friday would be great.  _

*~~***~~*

_ Three Months Later _

Louis opened the door and found Harry standing there holding a pizza with a big smile on his face.

“Awww, baby! Is it our anniversary?” Louis teased, taking the pizza and accepting the kiss Harry leaned in to give as he came inside. “Pizza is so special for us, you know?”

“Fuck off,” Harry said with a laugh. “I know you had a long day of surgeries and I wanted to feed you, but I had to stay late so pizza was all I could do.”

Louis opened it and found Harry had gotten Louis and Niall’s favorite. “Shit, yeah…”

Walking towards the living room, Louis was so focused on the food he was startled by the arms wrapping around his waist and pulling him in. 

“You are so sexy in your scrubs, even when I know they’re probably disgusting,” Harry whispered in Louis’ ear before nipping it gently. “Is Niall home?”

Louis’ breath stuttered, probably thanks to the way Harry was nosing down his neck and starting to kiss at the sensitive area by his shoulder.

“Fuck, no, but he’ll kick us both out if we eat this whole pizza. He’s working closing shift.”

“We’ll save him some pizza,” Harry said as he ran his hands down Louis’ sides. He pulled back quickly and started walking towards Louis’ bedroom, stripping his clothes off as he went. “It’ll taste fine later, anyway. Right?”

Louis watched as Harry’s bare backside turned into his bedroom before he set the pizza down on the counter. He didn’t care how the pizza tasted later if it meant he got to have Harry right now. Pizza might have started it all for them, but it certainly didn’t beat out his sexy boyfriend and an empty apartment.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! I hope you enjoyed it :D Please leave kudos, a comment, and maybe even give me a [cheeky reblog](https://lululawrence.tumblr.com/post/622908691980664832/political-pizza-by-lululawrence-harry-styleslouis) if you did and be sure to check out the other fics written for this week's prompt!


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